Poetry of sorts, I guess.

I think the hardest thing for me
is being vulnerable
when it's so much easier
to pretend
to create false realities
to act as if
everything
is
okay

Sometimes things are simple
they make sense and flow naturally.
But other times,
struggles pile up
difficulty upon difficulty
manifesting into a monster
of depression
and anxiety
and horrors
that burrow into your brain
planting their seeds of doubt
until they've grown a forest
of insecurities.

~

I wish it wasn't hard for me to smile,
to breathe without worry
to be happy.
But it is, most the time.
It doesn't matter how
privileged I was growing up
or all the opportunities I've received
that doesn't account for the
depression, anxiety, and molestation I've faced
Appearances don't equal reality
not always at least
And it's hard to tell the truth from impressions
because rarely do the two match up.

I feel bad for those that
judge before getting to know a person
that believe the worst
in everyone
And while I'm guilty of those things too
Humanity at it's heart
is good
a chaotic good
but good all the same.

And as much as I complain
I love humans
I love what they represent
And as hard as life is sometimes
Now is one of those moments
when I believe that
life is beautiful
and I love people
And think they're lovely
and way better than we often credit them for.

Love is love is love is love
why not spread a little more of it?

~

Today marks nine years since you were a part of my life
And I couldn't be happier to say that
I am free from the chains you put on me
Finally
I can breathe once again.

I don't think of you daily anymore
Instead fleeting moments of memories
that plague me, rotting the little happiness I possess

I'm glad you're out of my life.

I'm finally learning to trust again because of it.

- this is recovery