Friday, August 11, 2017

A Coming Out Letter

Here we are, this is finally happening. And it feels so so good to do this.

I'd like to preface this with the fact that this isn't easy to write. But it's been weighing on me.

For years.
And years.
And years.

Point is, a very long time. Probably since middle school. Maybe late elementary if I'm being honest with y'all which is the point of this:

I want to be honest and transparent with you and me. With everyone I know. I want this to be there.

If this effects how you see me, so be it. But I'm the same Cody y'all know. Just... even more me. I cant take it any longer having to pretend to be something in not around the people I love.

So here we go:

I'm gay.

Well, technically... I'm not. But for ease of understanding I am. It's close enough, for the sake of y'all getting who I am. So, I'm gay. More specifically I identify as biromantic and gray-ace.

Don't understand what this means? That's okay. It differs based on the person but to make it easy to understand:

1.  I'm romantically attracted to more than one gender. I'm willing to have a romantic relationship with just about anyone, honestly. I don't know how to really explain it, it just fits me.
2. My sexual attraction [at least to me] is a little less than most people's. I could also identify as demisexual, because either one works for me. Gray-ace basically means [to me] that I sometimes experience sexual attraction. Sometimes it's the way a normal person would. Other times- It's really not. More often than not I'm not interested in sex. It just doesn't appeal to me.
3. When I do have that sexual attraction I am usually attracted to men. Usually those I have developed some sort of close relationship with in some other form [this is why demisexual also works for me, because it Is when you experience sexual attraction once you already have a connection with said person]

Sexuality is a very fluid thing and it changes. But I do know this: I find boys to be beautiful, and if that's something you find wrong- I apologize for your ignorance.

This is very important to me and a central part to who I am. I'm probably not going to marry a woman- it's just unlikely. But I want children. I am still the same me. I'm still Cody Roecker the boy who likes to read a lot. The boy who loves cinnamon rolls and is obsessed with owls and trees.

I'm a boy who loves to love and knows that a lot of people in his life might leave him after this. And that's why it's so hard to write this. So hard to post it. So hard to let you all see the real me.

DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD THAT IS?

When everyone you know always assumes straight to be the default, when everyone assumes because I am a man that I am going to fall in love with a woman?

I'm sorry to disappoint all of you- it's likely not going to happen.

I want to kiss boys. Okay?

If you can't accept that, I'm not sure I want you in my life more than you want me in yours. I am not going to put time into relationships that don't want me to be 100% me.

I hope y'all understand that.

I love you all. I love you dearly. And I hope this doesn't change a thing- it really shouldn't anyways.

Y'all know I'm a compassionate, empathetic person- so please try to be so too. Try to understand where I'm coming from- how I'm feeling.

I'm not straight.

I don't think I ever was.

Although I did believe myself bisexual for awhile.

Also: i prefer to use the word queer to self identify because it's the easiest umbrella term that doesn't force me to explain what my other identities mean. If you understand them, go ahead and use them. But when people ask me, I'll probably say I'm queer. It's just easier that way.

I hope y'all still love me.

I'm just trying to be me.

What could be wrong with that?


All the love,

Cody <3

Thursday, August 3, 2017

Poetry of sorts, I guess.

I think the hardest thing for me
is being vulnerable
when it's so much easier
to pretend
to create false realities
to act as if
everything
is
okay

Sometimes things are simple
they make sense and flow naturally.
But other times,
struggles pile up
difficulty upon difficulty
manifesting into a monster
of depression
and anxiety
and horrors
that burrow into your brain
planting their seeds of doubt
until they've grown a forest
of insecurities.

~

I wish it wasn't hard for me to smile,
to breathe without worry
to be happy.
But it is, most the time.
It doesn't matter how
privileged I was growing up
or all the opportunities I've received
that doesn't account for the
depression, anxiety, and molestation I've faced
Appearances don't equal reality
not always at least
And it's hard to tell the truth from impressions
because rarely do the two match up.

I feel bad for those that
judge before getting to know a person
that believe the worst
in everyone
And while I'm guilty of those things too
Humanity at it's heart
is good
a chaotic good
but good all the same.

And as much as I complain
I love humans
I love what they represent
And as hard as life is sometimes
Now is one of those moments
when I believe that
life is beautiful
and I love people
And think they're lovely
and way better than we often credit them for.

Love is love is love is love
why not spread a little more of it?

~

Today marks nine years since you were a part of my life
And I couldn't be happier to say that
I am free from the chains you put on me
Finally
I can breathe once again.

I don't think of you daily anymore
Instead fleeting moments of memories
that plague me, rotting the little happiness I possess

I'm glad you're out of my life.

I'm finally learning to trust again because of it.

- this is recovery

Monday, July 31, 2017

ARC August 2017


Okay, I learned that my laptop isn't supporting Blogger anymore, so I definitely need to get a new laptop asap! 




Anyways, this is my intro post for ARC August 2017! ARC August is hosted by Read.Sleep.Repeat where the challenge is to read any and all ARCs. You can read them in any form. Whether it be ecopy or physical, old or new.... The challenge is to READ. Catch up on all these ARCs! Get your NetGalley percentage up! Clear your reviewing shelves and commitments!



2017 Novels

27 Hours
Mask of Shadows
Frostblood
The Bone Witch
Defy the Stars
A Crown of Wishes

2018
As You Wish
Beserker
The Belles

Before 2017
Timekeeper
Devil and the Bluebird
The Lie Tree
The Dream Engine
The Trouble with Destiny
Drowning is Inevitable
Justice Buried
The Golden Braid
Quicksand

(I went crazy when I first joined netgalley and it was a problem…)

I bolded the options that I am more likely to read during this month, but probably won't be getting to more than four of these:

My top choices below:
27 Hours (The Nightside Saga, #1)
The Belles (The Belles #1)
Mask of Shadows (Untitled, #1)
As You Wish

Well, this it it for my intro post, I am hoping to post a few updates during ARC August as I had to rush this one! Love you all! Let me know what you plan to read during ARC August, whether participating or not, below! 

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Sunday Street Team: Ships To Travel With (The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee)


Gentleman's Guide Banner.jpg


Welcome to my stop on Sunday Street Team where we are spotlighting THE GENTLEMAN'S GUIDE TO VICE AND VIRTUE by Mackenzi Lee (a book that is absolutely as wonderful and swoonworthy as it sounds, trust me.)

So, I got to do a unique post for this, because I just loved this book so much- and I pondered this idea for quite a while.

Monty and Percy are one of the most shippable ships I have ever seen/had. And like Rachel Strolle said in her blurb for the novel: "Monty and Percy are insanely shippable from page one and quickly became one of my favorite YA couples of all time."

AGREED. Wholeheartedly agree.

So, for this post, I am taking Monty and Percy on a little trip of my own- to visit some other fantastic ships.

Are you ready?

Me too.

DISCLAIMERS: All of the pictures included in this post are from Pinterest and were chosen randomly- if you see something you did, tell me and I'll give you credit here! Also: If you haven't read Simon Vs The Homo Sapiens Agenda, the aesthetic here will spoil who Blue is.

Here we go!!!

First off- We will be time-travelling and dimension travelling and world travelling and it's going to be great. Multi-dimensional travel for a wholesome travel experience! (Just as great as the road trip featured in Gentleman's Guide!)

Let's goooooo!

We are heading to a small town in Georgia first... one that we have come to love where the friend we are meeting has a dog named Bieber and some of the best friends ever- a lover of oreos and the best boyfriend ever. YES! You guessed it! We're in Creeksville with Simon and Blue! The ship of all ships. My favorite humans.

So I love this ship because there is so much salty shade and like they could eat up all the food in north and South America:  Simon and bram. IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR FAN ART FOR AGES !!!! Women's Books, Diet, Fitness, Fashion, Makeup, Relationships - http://amzn.to/2hmeH1Y:

While with these two, we'll likely go to Waffle House, eat some Oreos, and maybe visit some few friends in D.C while we're at it. :)

After Creeksville we will travel to an alternate London. Specifically, Kell and Lila in Red London- picking pockets. I mean, like these two are the most lovable and badass character simultaneously. I love Lila's snark and blunt attitude and how Kell and Lila are such complements to one another.
http://blog-imgs-57.fc2.com/b/o/z/bozosaka/20141007_01.jpg:  lizziemoleart:  “One of the scenes that stuck out to me from A Gathering of Shadows! It’s not perfect but I’m still pretty pleased with it! Backgrounds are hard…  ”  GASP.:
littledigits: “ the incomparable Lila Bard ” Never stop.:

After the fun with Antari- we'll go on a little excursion with Inej and Nina in Ketterdam- eating waffles. What could be better than the best ship of Six of Crows? I love these two separately, together, with the boys- whatever. Point is, they're wonderful, and I'm imagining some wonderfully banter-filled conversations between them and the boys from Gentleman's Guide. Absolutely special.

Healthier Chocolate Banana Waffles - Domestic Gothess:
grl pwr:

Aaron and Thomas in the Bronx- playing Remember That Time or going on a Trade Date, except they actual trade dates lololololol. Mostly, I love Aaron and Thomas- and have seen myself in Aaron unlike almost any other character. I'd love to see the relationships they would all build. Aaron and Percy would vibe really well too.

When Thomas and Aaron meet:   :
aaron @ thomas:


Patroclus and Achilles in Ancient Greece - a day in the mountains with Chiron. I feel like these characters and Monty + Percy could possibly relate in some weird way. Pressure from authority figures, maybe? THE LOVE I HAVE FOR THEM.

"catch" tsoa credit goes to my friend skylar:        Patrochilles :  Cuties!<3 | Achilles | Patroclus | The song of Achilles:



Shazi and Khalid in Khorasan- Shazi tells some stories and kicks ass. This world in this is just wonderful, and I'd love to see Monty and Percy's reaction to the dynamic of Shazi and Khalid, honestly. Both love-stories worthy of constellations.

The Rose and the Dagger. book quotes. Shazi & Khalid. Shahrzad & Khalid. The Wrath and the Dawn.:
 The Wrath & The Dawn. By Renee Ahdieh. Caliph of Khorasan. Khalid and Shahrzad/Shazi. book quotes.:



Laia and Elias running from the Martial Empire - honestly just want to see Monty sass the Commandant. COULD YOU IMAGINE (I won't tell you the place I really want to take them to as it is a place in book two, but if you've read it- you probably know where I'm talking about. I'm being vague on purpose, friends.

Sabaa Tahir   An Ember in the Ashes:  Laia An Ember in the Ashes:

And then, after finishing then- we'd go back to the 1700s, to Monty and Percy's rightful homes- they'd have to probably visit the Leteo Institute back with Aaron and Thomas once more- because the effect of time travel on these two might make them go crazy otherwise.... but it would still be fun!

Hope you enjoyed this post, I had such a blast writing it and coming up with the various travels and adventures! Continue reading for a giveaway below! :)

The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue



Goodreads Link:




Preorder Links:



Social Media:

Synopsis (GR):
Henry “Monty” Montague was born and bred to be a gentleman, but he was never one to be tamed. The finest boarding schools in England and the constant disapproval of his father haven’t been able to curb any of his roguish passions—not for gambling halls, late nights spent with a bottle of spirits, or waking up in the arms of women or men.

But as Monty embarks on his grand tour of Europe, his quest for a life filled with pleasure and vice is in danger of coming to an end. Not only does his father expect him to take over the family’s estate upon his return, but Monty is also nursing an impossible crush on his best friend and traveling companion, Percy.

Still it isn’t in Monty’s nature to give up. Even with his younger sister, Felicity, in tow, he vows to make this yearlong escapade one last hedonistic hurrah and flirt with Percy from Paris to Rome. But when one of Monty’s reckless decisions turns their trip abroad into a harrowing manhunt that spans across Europe, it calls into question everything he knows, including his relationship with the boy he adores.

Witty, romantic, and intriguing at every turn, The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue is a sumptuous romp that explores the undeniably fine lines between friendship and love.

About the Author:
Mackenzi Lee is a bookseller, history nerd, and the author of THE GENTLEMAN'S GUIDE TO VICE AND VIRTUE, THIS MONSTROUS THING (Katherine Tegen/HarperCollins), and the forthcoming SEMPER AUGUSTUS (Flatiron Books, 2018). She holds an MFA from Simmons College in writing for children and young adults. She loves Diet Coke, sweater weather, and Star Wars. On a perfect day, she can be found enjoying all three. She currently calls Boston home.




Tour host stop links:

6/4 Tour Blogs Stops
Character Profiles - Blame It On The Books
Review -  Bookishly Thinking
Review -  Charmingly Simple
Interview - The Hermit Librarian


6/11 Tour Blogs Stops
Interview - Sarcasm and Lemons
Unique Post (Ships to Travel With) - Roecker Reviews
Interview -  Books Buying Beauty

6/18 Tour Blogs Stops
Interview -  Book Stack Amber
Review -  YA and Wine
Unique Post (Characters in Social Media) - Live Love Read YA

6/25 Tour Blog Stops
Interview - Hopeful Reads
Unique Post (Mood Board) - A Book and A Cup of Coffee

Monday, June 5, 2017

ARC Review: They Both Die At The End by Adam Silvera (Spoiler Free)


They Both Die at the End
Title: They Both Die At The End
Author: the incomparable Adam Silvera
Page Count: 384
Genre: YA Contemporary, but like with a sci-fi twist that Silvera novels tend to have
Rating: 5 Stars, obviously.
Links: Goodreads IndieBound Amazon Barnes & Noble
Synopsis:
New York Times bestselling author Adam Silvera reminds us that there’s no life without death and no love without loss in this devastating yet uplifting story about two people whose lives change over the course of one unforgettable day.
On September 5, a little after midnight, Death-Cast calls Mateo Torrez and Rufus Emeterio to give them some bad news: They’re going to die today. Mateo and Rufus are total strangers, but, for different reasons, they’re both looking to make a new friend on their End Day. The good news: There’s an app for that. It’s called the Last Friend, and through it, Rufus and Mateo are about to meet up for one last great adventure—to live a lifetime in a single day.



Hey y'all! Wow, it's been awhile over here. I'm hoping to post a few posts these next few weeks, but we'll see how it goes.

Review:

If you follow me on Goodreads- you've seen this review. But I need to share my love of this book here- because it is everything to me. Something about a Silvera novel, magical in its own way. These books feel like they were written for me, at different points in my life- and I hope one day I can do the same sort of thing with my writing. Thank you Adam, for inspiring me every single day of my life.

Damn it Silvera does it once again: makes me feel emotions that I didn't think I was capable of feeling.

the convict: THEY BOTH DIE AT THE END
the charge: murdering me
plea: guilty

This story shows the importance of friendships, no matter how long you have known someone. all it takes is one day to change someone's entire life.

in a world where you get a call the day you are going to die, TBDATE follows Mateo and Rufus who meet through the Last Friend app, and they travel the town, trying new experiences on their last day on earth.

It's as tragic as it sounds.

highlights include:

● beautiful writing


● dynamic characters


● short perspectives from people who aren't dying today [trust me when I say these are just as tragic as the rest of this book]


● specifically Dierdre's story she is writing. *looooooooove*


● the pure Mateo


● the badass on the outside yet soft TM on the inside, Rufus


● killer concept with a killer execution


● the best of friendships


● seriously though, all of Rufus and Mateo's friends are lovely and caring and ugh


● the importance of Mateo's dad to him *cries* it's so refreshing.


● "Here's my version of Utopia: a world without violence and tragedies, where everyone lives forever, or until they've led fulfilling and happy lived and decide themselves that they want to check out whatever's next for us."


● existential conversations that make my heart sing [afterlives]


● though tragic [as Silvera books usually are] it is also laced with hope throughout [I'm sensing a theme here]


● "you may be born into a family, but you walk into friendships. Some you'll discover you should put behind you. Others are worth every risk."

Most importantly: this book is wonderfully moving and I cannot recommend it (and all Silvera books) enough.

I'd go as far to say that it's Adam's best book yet.

Love love love

Sunday, April 23, 2017

SST: Girl Out of Water by Laura Silverman

Welcome to my stop of Sunday Street Team! This month we are featuring GIRL OUT OF WATER by Laura Silverman!



Through this post I have made a list about my thoughts regarding each character plus accompanying AESTHETICS because they're fun!! :D [Most of the aesthetics are for the characters though a few vary just a little :) ]

Girl Out of Water

Girl Out Of Water, Laura Silverman's debut, is a coming-of-age story that follows Anise as she is thrust away from the Pacific Ocean, Santa Cruz California and her home, in the surf. Through the novel we really get to see how pain, loss, and love affect Anise in the best and worst of ways.

I loved reading this book and the moment I started it, I was hooked. I was immersed in the story and ready to go on this adventure with Anise. From the moment we met her, I knew she was going to be a character I am never going to forget. There is something about her that just makes her so real. I think it might be the way she deals with her emotions and her problems, they are so utterly relatable and I'm so thankful that Laura wrote this book, and that she told Anise's story.

The love of surfing is so palpable and it made me want to surf. I am so NOT athletic that for a book to really make me want to feel the way an athletic character does... is really good in my book.

Not only is Anise a real character... so are allllll of the other character. I like lists so here's a list for you....

girl surfer                                                                                                                                                                                 More:  Fiji Surfer Girl, print from original watercolor fashion illustration by Jessica Durrant. This is really cool. I wish I was good at water color.:  Take Me To The Ocean  Women's Shirts  Surfer Girl  by PowderAndSea:  Coastal Style: Surfer Girl Style:

Emery- Our 13-and-a-half year old daughter of Aunt Jackie who Anise develops a big connection with.

- She is waaaay more mature.
- Totally just really cool.
- I understand how she feels with her friends in one point in the novel.
- I really just love her.
- She has so much more depth than most youngsters have and I really appreciate that.
- She kind of reminds me of me at that age.

reading ✧  I Shop books at Books + Rec Shoppe www.booksandrec.com:  ik it sounds stupid but i really wanna learn to skate cause ive always wanted to learn an ollie, kickflip, 360 etc . if you know a pro plz contact me i really really wanna learn:  


Nash & Parker - Lovable twins

- One of them is super philosophical
- The other makes reaaaally poor decisions.
- Well, kind of.
- I forget which is which tbh but I love them both
- The skate park scenes are wonderful.
- There's a quote I marked from one of them that might be my favorite thing in the entire book.

"But bad things are infinite, right?" he asks.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, just because Mom got into an accident it doesn't mean she can't get into another one, right? One bad thing doesn't stop more from happening."
My heart clenches, as my mind whirs for some kind of comfort to share. He's right. Bad things are infinite. But I kiss his head and hug him tighter and say, "That's true, but you know what else is true?"
"What?"
"Good things are infinite too."


There is something so real, so hopeful about this passage that really spoke and stood out to me.
- There is a moment with one twin that broke my little heart.

 It's two Tootie Waynes!!!...Thank you Queenie!!! :): Caballero. Sunset frontside wall ride on the monolith at Lake Cunningham skatepark. photo by Potwin 2009:

Lincoln - Umm, he's perfect?

- Except he's not.
- But I love him so freaking much.
- He's African American
- He has one arm (and it's explained why)
- His disability was NOT his only personality trait!
- Thank you so much, Laura!
- Honestly, he's such a wickedly charming fella
- Here's an example: "Memory of steel, another one of my many amazing talents." "Your modesty is overwhelming." "So is my smile."
- He has an arrogance that is definitely attractive.
- I finally understand why some people find arrogance/confidence attractive
- I just needed to meet Lincoln.
- He truly cares about Anise, and I love that.
- He's just so pure.

character inspiration:  "I used the Light 36 Gauge Enchantment copper on a commercial bar top and was very pleased with the results. It was easy to apply and with the reassuring help from Color Copper's customer service, the two part epoxy was fool proof." /  Mark Baker  Panther Pub - Panther Valley, New Jersey:

See this Instagram photo by @instagood • 4,161 likes:

Aunt Jackie - She's the reason that Anise is put in this situation
- I'm glad she expresses gratitude.
- The main scene between her and Anise is superb.
- Her situation TERRIFIED me so many times throughout the novel.
- "Saying a problem out loud doesn't fix it... but maybe, just maybe, it starts to help."

hospital cash back cover, http://www.frank.net/hospital-cash-back-cover/hospital-cash-back-cover:

Road Trip :: Seek Adventure :: Explore With Friends :: Summer Travel :: Gypsy Soul :: Chase the Sun :: Discover Freedom :: Travel Photography :: Free your Wild :: See more Untamed Road Trip Destinations + Inspiration @untamedelemnts:

Tess- the ultimate best friend.
- So glad she keeps it real with Anise
- She was really there when nobody else was.
- I really admire her.
- Her honesty is SUPERB
- I also like that she wasn't perfect.
- She also said this "Don't be a snob, dude. A good book is a good book." BLESS YOU TESS

First Time with a Highlander (Sirens of the Scottish Borderlands) by Gwyn Cready http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XWMC5SS/ref=cm_sw_r_pi_dp_DaBbwb0STQH4E:  Atlantis:

Eric- I really felt for this dude

- He seems super nice
- I would have liked another scene or two with him
- Understandable why there isn't though
- Everything between him and Anise felt super real.

Very Long Cool Straight Hairstyle ~ http://heledis.com/man-and-hairstyles-for-men/:  I just got this board and I think this is a really cool photo showing the back side. It's an Arbor longboard with a side view map of Cali on it.:

Wendy- I LOVED HER
- Even though we saw her for only a few pages
- I feel like I've known her my whole life.
- I'd love a novel just about her tbh
- And we can have Lincoln and Anise make an appearance
- Or go back to when Lincoln and Wendy were in school together
- But seriously, that scene was one of my favorites

this brunch looks fantastic!:  The Nebraska Sandhills - martinmora.aminus3.com:
Carmel Beach and Cyprus, Carmel-by-the-Sea, California:

My favorite scene of the entire novel was probably when Anise and Lincoln were at the pub in Reno... I don't think I can express how terrifically paced and written that scene was. Simply, wow!
I really don't have any complaints. I really love this novel. And I know you guys will too.

There's a lot of special within this book. Just open your eyes, and read!

Hope you enjoyed this post! Keep reading! There's a giveaway below!


Goodreads Link:

Preorder Links:
Barnes & Nobles: http://bit.ly/2ohJC1x
Book Depository: http://bit.ly/2oaYo9S

Social Media:



Synopsis (GR):
Fans of Jenny Han and Sarah Dessen will fall in love this contemporary debut about finding yourself-and finding love-in unexpected places.

Ocean breeze in her hair and sand between her toes, Anise can't wait to spend the summer before her senior year surfing and hanging out on the beach with friends. Santa Cruz is more than her home-it's her heart. But when her aunt, a single mother, is in a serious car accident, Anise must say goodbye to California to help care for her three young cousins.

Landlocked Nebraska is the last place Anise wants to be. Sure, she loves her family, but it's hard to put her past behind her when she's living in the childhood house of the mother who abandoned her. And with every Instagram post, her friends back home feel further away.

Then she meets Lincoln, a charismatic, one-armed skater who challenges her to swap her surfboard for a skateboard. Because sometimes the only way to find your footing is to let go.

About the Author:
Laura received her MFA in writing for children from the New School. She loves books and dogs—okay, and quite a few people too. She currently lives in Atlanta, Georgia. You can say hello on Twitter at @LJSilverman1.





Rafflecopter Giveaway:

a Rafflecopter giveaway





Tour host stop links:


4/16 Tour Blogs Stops
Interview - Pretty Deadly Blog
Review -  Sarcasm and Lemons
Interview -  Curly Hair Bibliophile
interview - Hopeful Reads
Mood board & Review - Here's to Happy Endings
Review -  Book Nerd Addicts

4/23 Tour Blogs Stops
Aesthetics Post - Roecker Reviews
Interview - Awkwordly Emma

4/30 Tour Blogs Stops
Graphics Inspired Quotes -  The Cozy Little Book Nook
Interview -  Tattooed Pages  
Review -  Crazy for YA