Friday, March 17, 2017

So... it's been a month. UPDATE TIME

Dear Readers,

Hey y'all! It's Cody. (I mean, that's my name, but I always feel like introducing myself when I am starting a blogpost like this one)

I'm starting this off by saying that I love you all so much, and am thankful for your continued support, every single day.

So... I have not posted anything for awhile. And this post is me forcing myself to do so. I just... haven't had the motivation. Or the time, really. I've been focusing on school, and some other things... and right now that has to take priority.

School has been stressful as all hell, but luckily I'm on spring break right now. (alas, it is almost over by the time I am actually writing this) So, this has been the first break since this semester started, and I really needed it.

I've been in a rough place emotionally (as y'all saw with my last post...) I would like to say I'm much better... but it's a daily struggle and honestly some days are better than others. I'm glad to say that I am more happy than not ;) lol, had to put that in there. IF YOU HAVEN'T PLEASE PICK UP MORE HAPPY THAN NOT BY ADAM SILVERA!!!

Speaking of Adam... I met Adam, Becky, and David of the #Beckminavidera crew at SEYA 2017 in Murfreesboro Tennessee. I can confirm that they are the best of people, and give the greatest hugs and I love them even more than I did before I met them [which is saying something as I already loved them infinitely]

ANYWAYS, I took a 45 minute train ride followed by a 6 hour bus ride to get there at 1am, get 4 hours of sleep, and hightail it to MTSU, barely making it before the first panel...

where Becky, Adam, and David all hugged me before there first panel. HONESTLY DREAM MOMENT. I wish I could rewind and watch everyone around me reactions' because omfg that felt good. It definitely brought me the most immense amount of joy I have ever felt.

I got to listen to the pan about Books, Buddies and Bad Behavior. There was major shade thrown at a certain English-hating- writer. [Looking at you Gabaldon...] and we got to here two stories about almost eating mice.... (You'll have to ask David and Courtney Stevens about that one... lololololol]

After the panel, I swiftly ran over to the bookstore and got in Adam's signing line, getting my golden oreos ready for him. Adam is quite frankly one of the most important writers to me, personally. His books are so unapologetically real, and relatable to me. He just gets it. And I'm thankful. He's also super sweet, and tall; but y'all knew that second part. He signed my books, took a picture with me and expressed the sadness at not being able to eat lunch with us. [I was sad too, god Adam is the best.]

After Adam, I went over to David's line, and got to talk with him for a little while, hugged him and said my "See you later" spiel, as I knew we'd be eating together later and that I'd probably spend most the day with him and Becky. [I was not wrong]

I got in to Becky's line and stayed until her signing was over. We conveniently, and coincidentally, both wore Hamilton t-shirts. It was the besttttt, especially for the group picture with Adam, Becky, David and I. Worked for some great coordination. Hamilton and Plaid. #goals.

After this, my friend Mari and the wonderful authors went and sat in the food court taking turns getting food. I also got to meet Mason, Weezie and their friend [I believe Rosie was their name, but I'm not entirely sure on spelling or certain on the name...oops. I feel bad] Y'all were great, and I really cannot wait to read Mason's EnbyLoveStory. We ate lunch, and talked and it was great. I gave Becky the painting I did of her first two book covers and some double-stuf Oreos, obviously. What is a gift to Becky without Oreos?

After lunch, Becky and I headed to David's panel where we got to listen all about "Heroes at Heart" with Cinda Williams Chima, David, Laurel Snyder, and I. W. Gregorio (who insists I W is boring, and her name is Ilene.)

My favorite quote from that entire experience was

"A honest voice is more important than a pretty one." - David Arnold

I was so immersed in everything I didn't take notes, but Becky's movie for SIMON was mentioned. Because, let's face it... we're all excited!!!

Then, we walked to David's second signing and we just kind of hanged out with Becky and David for that time. We talked about writing, how mine was going, and just talked like old friends catching up [which we basically are, at this point.] It was a great time, even though a few people may have walked off during that time... [SORRY READERS IF THAT WAS YOU!]

I ended up getting books signed by Kathryn Ormsbee, Melanie Conklin, and Courtney Stevens.... after listening to the Love Bites panel featuring Becky Albertalli, Katie Cotugno, Ashley Blake and two others.

It was hilarious and friendly, and the audience asked some great questions to which Court had some PHENOMENAL answers.

I went back, [packed up all my stuff] waited in Becky's line to say goodbye... and I left for the day.

It was glorious and I loved it so so so so so much.

A++++++++++ experience. 10/10 would definitely recommend.

Hope I can go next year! *fingers crossed*

Now onto more things......


The real reason I started this post...

is because...

Besides the few things I've committed too....

I'm going to go on a semi-hiatus.

This is to avoid pressure to post, and trying to find time to write here, complete all my homework and get good grades, and write for me... in hopes to get published. My grades (though they're still good) are not in the low-A range where I would like them... so I'm taking a step back so I can focus on my schoolwork and my novel-writing.

I love you all, and will definitely have a few reviews here and there. But I won't be for sure... posting.

I will be fully back by mid-May; but until then I'll be sporadic. This isn't goodbye, this is just a so long, a farewell, an until.

I'll see you probably twice a month from here on out- and I love you guys a lot.

hope you enjoyed, and made it through this mess of a long post.

With all the love,


Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Untitled (Raw and Unedited)

This emptiness is killing me
carving me out like
A pumpkin right before Halloween.
Scraping my insides out
and throwing them away
without any regard
to how they felt
to what they meant
to who I was because of them

It feels like a part of me
was taken away
and I wish I knew how
or what I could do to
get them back. To
make myself
whole again.

I try to gather my
thoughts and bundle them into
something more
something, palpable
yet I consistently come up short

Something is missing
And I wish I knew what
Because that'd be easier, right?
The knowledge of why
is so much easier to fix
if you know what it is
that you're trying to replace.

But maybe I'm not missing anything
and it's all in my head
maybe, this is who I am
This is how I have to live
and this is what I will be

Maybe emptiness is eternal.
But maybe it's not really that bad
Maybe it's bearable

Maybe I'll survive
But God does it hurt
It hurts
It numbs
It's painful
It echoes
It feels like a pinball going off
hitting everything.

Sometime emptiness comes from the lack of feeling...
But the worst of emptiness comes from feeling too much.

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Untitled - Cody Roecker

The pressure inside of my head is building up like sedimentary rock getting stronger as it pushes itself into the layer before it. Like the rock, my head is filled with many facets of pain that aren’t all visible on the surface.
On the outside, you have my smiling face, my enamoring giggle, my sad eyes that illuminate and draw people in.
    On the inside you have the realities of the world. You have the beautiful nightmare, the corrupt swirls of something that looks beautiful, but has a hole in the center, a black hole, that sucks every last thing up into it.
    On the outside you have my fuzzy exterior, my chubby cheeks, my thick body, my larger-than-life personality.
    On the inside you would be able to see how I feel about all of that… That I hate it all. I love the comfort I provide others, but do I love myself?
    On the outside you have my facade, of a perfect, happy life.
    On the inside you have the effects of depression, presenting itself in the form of a tumor, growing ever so slightly, and every time we cut a little bit off, or we think it’s finally going away, it grows, stronger, bigger, more protruding into my everyday life. I cannot escape it, no matter how much I try.
    But anymore, I cannot tell what is on the inside and what is on the outside, the two parts of my existence have begun to bleed into one, and I am fearful of what it could mean. I am afraid of what could happen to me. I am frightened.

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Waiting on Wednesday #37

The Ship Beyond Time by Heidi Heilig

The Ship Beyond Time (The Girl From Everywhere, #2)
February 28th 2017

Synopsis: The breathtaking sequel to the acclaimed The Girl from Everywhere. Nix has escaped her past, but when the person she loves most is at risk, even the daughter of a time traveler may not be able to outrun her fate—no matter where she goes. Fans of Rae Carson, Alexandra Bracken, and Outlander will fall hard for Heidi Heilig’s sweeping fantasy.

Nix has spent her whole life journeying to places both real and imagined aboard her time-traveling father’s ship. And now it’s finally time for her to take the helm. Her father has given up his obsession to save her mother—and possibly erase Nix’s existence—and Nix’s future lies bright before her. Until she learns that she is destined to lose the one she loves. But her relationship with Kash—best friend, thief, charmer extraordinaire—is only just beginning. How can she bear to lose him? How can she bear to become as adrift and alone as her father?

Desperate to change her fate, Nix takes her crew to a mythical utopia to meet another Navigator who promises to teach her how to manipulate time. But everything in this utopia is constantly changing, and nothing is what it seems—not even her relationship with Kash. Nix must grapple with whether anyone can escape her destiny, her history, her choices. Heidi Heilig weaves fantasy, history, and romance together to tackle questions of free will, fate, and what it means to love another person. But at the center of this adventure are the extraordinary, multifaceted, and multicultural characters that leap off the page, and an intricate, recognizable world that has no bounds. The sequel—and conclusion—to the indie darling The Girl from Everywhere will be devoured by fans of Rachel Hartman and Maggie Stiefvater. Includes black-and-white maps.

Why I'm excited:

1. I love Heidi Heilig and I want to support everything she does, because she is a must needed advocate in the YA world today.

2. I LOVED The Girl From Everywhere! I thought it was thrilling, the romance was perfect, and Nix was such a Badass. I cannot wait to see where this story goes!

3. THAT COVER. It's glorious. I love the swoopiness. I love our lovely ship!

4. Time travel!!! I love how intricate the time travel is in this series!!!!

5. I mean, cmon, it's gonna be great!!!

6. I've also heard that the opening lines are killer! SO READY

Monday, January 30, 2017

COVER REVEAL: 27 Hours by Tristina Wright!

When I saw a sign-up form to help reveal the cover for 27 HOURS by Tristina Wright I jumped on that shit so damn fast. I have been looking forward to this novel for SO LONG. I feel like I've known about it for as long as it's been around. And my god, am I excited. It's BEAUTIFUL YOU GUYS.

And without further ado,

I present to you

The cover for this beautiful and oh so queer novel!

Hot damn. These colors are BREATHTAKING. This cover is one of my favorites of all time. I am in LOVE, aren't you? :)

So ready for #queerteensinspace 

Will October 3rd get here soon enough?

Title: 27 Hours (The Nightside Saga. #1)
Author: Tristina Wright
Release Date: October 3, 2017

Book Description: 
Rumor Mora fears two things: hellhounds too strong for him to kill, and failure. Jude Welton has two dreams: for humans to stop killing monsters, and for his strange abilities to vanish.
But in no reality should a boy raised to love monsters fall for a boy raised to kill them.
Nyx Llorca keeps two secrets: the moon speaks to her, and she’s in love with Dahlia, her best friend. Braeden Tennant wants two things: to get out from his mother's shadow, and to unlearn Epsilon's darkest secret.
They’ll both have to commit treason to find the truth.
During one twenty-seven-hour night, if they can’t stop the war between the colonies and the monsters from becoming a war of extinction, the things they wish for will never come true, and the things they fear will be all that’s left.

Book Riot Official Reveal:

Author Bio:
Tristina Wright is a blue-haired bisexual with anxiety and opinions. She’s also possibly a mermaid, but no one can get confirmation. She fell in love with science fiction and fantasy at a young age and frequently got caught writing in class instead of paying attention. She enjoys worlds with monsters and kissing and monsters kissing. She married a nerd who can build computers and make the sun shine with his smile. Most days, she can be found drinking coffee from her favorite chipped mug and making up more stories for her wombfruit, who keep life exciting and unpredictable.
Still trying to figure out the mermaid thing.

Snapchat: @tristinawright

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Waiting on Wednesday #36

The Upside of Unrequited

April 11th 2017

I have already had the EXTREME PLEASURE of devouring it and I just can't you guys. Becky is the BEST. In every way.

A weekly meme hosted by Breaking the Spine where we post our most anticipated releases!

Monday, January 23, 2017

Commenting: A Goal

Dear Readers.

Dear Random-People-Who-Stumbled-Upon-My-Blog

Dear Anyone who is reading this.

Dear anyone who will read this in the future,

I have a goal this year,

and that is to comment on more blogs

I would love some more blogs to follow and comment on.

Send me your links?

Thank you!!!!

Cody Roecker