Untitled (Raw and Unedited)

This emptiness is killing me
carving me out like
A pumpkin right before Halloween.
Scraping my insides out
and throwing them away
without any regard
to how they felt
to what they meant
to who I was because of them

It feels like a part of me
was taken away
and I wish I knew how
or what I could do to
get them back. To
make myself
whole again.

I try to gather my
thoughts and bundle them into
something
something more
something, palpable
yet I consistently come up short
Empty.

Something is missing
And I wish I knew what
Because that'd be easier, right?
The knowledge of why
is so much easier to fix
if you know what it is
that you're trying to replace.

But maybe I'm not missing anything
and it's all in my head
maybe, this is who I am
This is how I have to live
and this is what I will be
Forever.

Maybe emptiness is eternal.
But maybe it's not really that bad
Maybe it's bearable
Maybe
Maybe
Maybe

Maybe I'll survive
But God does it hurt
It hurts
It numbs
It's painful
It echoes
It feels like a pinball going off
hitting everything.
Hitting
Everything.

Sometime emptiness comes from the lack of feeling...
But the worst of emptiness comes from feeling too much.